My Adventures in (Trying) Online Dating Part 2

I was pleasantly surprised by how many people liked the first blog post on online dating, so I thought I would add a part two.  I think this is an issue that many people can relate to, so here I go…again!

I think there are many mistakes that people make when trying the whole online dating thing.  One thing in particular that turned me off was when a potential suitor would not even take the time to put together a coherent or interesting first message.  If you’re first message to me is “U r hot” or just “Hey,” then you’re probably not going to be hearing back from me.  Why?  Well, I’m going to feel like you couldn’t take the time to actually try to peak my interest, so why should I take time to get to know you?  Also, if you cannot force yourself to be literate when reaching out to me, that probably won’t make me swoon, either.  Sorry, I like my men well educated, thank you very much!  You should take the time to write a real message that mentions the other person’s profile.  If there’s a common interest, make sure they know that!  If there’s something you really connected with, mention it!

Another turn off or mistake is trying to get personal information from someone.  Sorry, no one needs a potential stalker or identify thief on her hands!  There’s a reason why I didn’t have my first name or full last name on my profile.  If you ask me where I live, I’m going to be ridiculously vague and name a town somewhat near the one where I really live.  Ask me where I work, and I’ll respond “In the San Gabriel Valley,” and that’s as specific as I’m going to get.  For those who don’t know, that encompasses several towns.  Yes, I’ve seriously had guys try to find out where I live, work, etc.  A friend of mine actually had a guy repeatedly try to get her last name from her.  He would end every single message with a request for her last name.  When she wouldn’t give him the information, he got angry and started cussing her out.   Be patient.  If a relationship ends up developing, you’ll find out what you need or want to know. 

Also, you should really never lie about what you’re like.  Just be authentic.  That should go without saying, but it doesn’t!  If you say you’re a musician, than I expect you to, like, actually be a musician who plays gigs and things like that. Simply having a picture of yourself with a guitar and calling yourself a musician when you only occasionally play just doesn’t cut it.  If you claim to be a gentleman in your profile and then proposition me during our 1st or 2nd conversations, you’re a dirty rotten liar who has now wasted both of our time.  Be honest!  That is the only way you’ll find who you’re really looking for. 

In addition to that, if I say on my profile that I am a certain way and I want a certain type of guy or relationship, then please take that for fact.  Don’t reach out to me, or any other woman, who you are obviously not a match for.  Again, it’s a total waste of time.  Just keep searching for one who matches your criteria and for whom you’re a match for hers.  Sure, it may take time, but it’ll be worth it in the long run.

My Adventures in (Trying) Online Dating

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Sometimes, you have experiences so annoying, so horrifying, so disturbing, etcetera, that the only thing to do is….make fun of it.  That’s how I currently feel about my recent return to the world of online dating websites.  I decided about a month ago to try a new site recommended to me by a co-worker (who I’m thinking of thanking in a way she probably won’t appreciate).  Here is just a glimpse into this often disconcerting world.

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Okay, first of all are the profile pictures.  There are a couple things here that I just simply do not comprehend!  Number one would be profile pictures where the man is not smiling, or worse yet, is scowling!  The point is supposed to be that your picture attracts someone, correct?  Why would you want to make yourself look all together unapproachable, intimidating, and downright scary?  It does not make any sense to me whatsoever. 

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The other thing that I came to hate about profile pictures are the shirtless bathroom pictures.  As Emma Stone says in Crazy, Stupid, Love “It’s like you’re photo shopped or something!” Why?  Because you probably are (side note:  my pictures may have me in makeup, but there isn’t even a filter being used!  I’m cute and adorable all on my own, and I’m sure you are, too).  This is the guy equivalent of the duck face pictures so many girls and women are fond of.  No one over the age of 15 thinks either are cute.  Trust.  Also, I have been watching way too much Catfish lately to believe that that’s even really you.  Sorry, but Nev has made me a little bit paranoid, and for this I love him with all my heart.  Also, you look like a douchebag when you do that because no one, I repeat no one, wants to see your bathroom before even meeting you.  Trust me on this one.

Okay, what else did I find out during my adventures?  Well, some people are really pushy about a wide variety of things.  When you message a woman saying you want to get together that night, you’re a jerk for two reasons:  one, you should actually, like, message her for a while before meeting up.  You know, make her feel more comfortable and less like she’s going to meet the heir apparent to Norman Bates.  Second, you’re assuming she has no plans.  When that message is sent on a Friday or Saturday, this is even more offensive.  If you message someone once or twice and she doesn’t respond, then she is probably not that into you.  Move on.  Plenty of other fish in the sea! Oh, and one last thing. If we’re messaging back and forth, and I don’t respond for a day or so because, you know, I do have a life, don’t flip out. Don’t throw a virtual temper tantrum. Talk about a turn off!

In addition to that, guess what, guys?  Most women probably won’t be turned on, flattered, etcetera when you message her for x-rated pictures during your SECOND conversation.  If I was the type to do that, WHICH I AM NOT (because, duh, you’re going to show that to your homies, and I know that), I would probably at least want a steak dinner, first.  I mean, seriously.

Finally, if you are simply looking for sex, it’s your life, and it’s cool.  It’s not what I’m looking for, but, hey, too each his or her own.  However, maybe you don’t put on your profile that you’re looking for a long term relationship.  Maybe you choose the option that says “Hooking Up” or “Dating, but nothing serious.”  That way, neither of us waste our precious time!  Win, win.

That all being said, I have closed down my profile, and I could not feel more at peace.

Edit: This time around, I did not actually meet any of these “gentleman.” All of this was based on messaging, texting, and talking on the phone.